Painting + Tera = DISASTER!

So my siblings and I thought it would be nice to help out mom and dad and paint their basement. It has been 10+ years since it has been done. I have been telling mom I would take care of it over the Christmas Break. I told her she wouldn't have to do a thing. Well, that isn't quite how it turned out.

8:30 Clean up basement, wipe down walls--no problems

10:30 Pick out paint. It took forever to decide, no problems then, but don't worry, there were future problems.

12:45 Eat some lunch. Kim and kids come.

1:30 Begin the painting process. No problems. Kids were good. Painting was going well.

5:00 TIRED. Kim leaves. The problems really begin.

Mom is helping the entire time. That was not supposed to happen. Before Kim leaves we all have a discussion about the paint color. No one is SURE about it. But people, it is too late! (I try to tell them!) Worried about it being monotone. After all this work, it better be worth it!

5:30 Tape baseboards and light fixtures. Total pain! Painting would be so much easier if you didn't have to tape! Oh, and ceilings. Why didn't anyone warn me about ceilings?!

6:00 Keegan comes home and makes a comment about the paint color. I get a little upset. Mom gets frustrated with me. I get frustrated with EVERYONE else! Crying and angry.

6:15 Dad comes home. Kelsi stops by. Everyone decides the paint color is fine. I get back to work and spill half a gallon of white paint on the carpet.

6:20 Spend 30 minutes cleaning up paint!

6:50 Apply 2nd gallon of white paint (dad had to go back to the store) to ceiling.

7:15 Paint splattering everywhere. I am a mess. Ready for a shower, but I am not stopping until this project is finished.

8:00 Standing on bar stool painting around light fixture on ceiling. Decide to put one foot on stool, one foot on couch. Said couch is not stable enough. I fall, with a cup of paint and a paintbrush in my hand. Paint everywhere, broken bar stool from my behind breaking my fall on the bar stool. Land flat on my back. Bruised leg, bruised behind, bruised back, bruised pride. What fun! Spend another 30 minutes cleaning up mess.

9:00 Finally painting the color on the walls. (We only experimented with the color earlier.)

3:00 (AM mind you!) Finish the first coat of color. Decide I can't handle anymore and clean up what we can. So tired!

4:00 Go to bed.

The second coat went on without a hitch, minus having to go back to the store for another gallon of paint.

*So next time I tell you I "want" to paint, please, TELL ME NOT TO!

**The paint looks great. It is so nice to have it finished, but I still don't ever want to paint again!

***That's how I spent the first two days of my break!

Merry Christmas

I received a CD from the Peoria Jeffs that I had never heard before. I was driving down the road, and when this song came on I thought how perfectly the lyrics to this song described Christmas for me the past 2 years. (There were probably tears involved as well!)

Broken Hearts Like Mine

(Cherie Call)

It was right around this time of year, not too long ago
That was when I heard the news that he wasn’t coming home
Now there’s just something about this holiday that just tears me up inside
But Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine

I see the gifts and the Christmas trees, and I don’t think these things are wrong
I just don’t want to break down under all these lights, so I still can’t sing the songs
Because the melodies turn to memories, and the only peace on earth I find
Is knowing Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine

I can feel the tenderness of friends who care
I can see the children playing everywhere
I just try to fade into the scenery
‘Cause everyone is meant to be Christmasing
I am not homeless or alone or poor
Sometimes I’m content to be ignored
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe
Believing is what saves me in times like these

Jesus was born in a stable, so He must know how it can be
Sometimes I feel like this holiday doesn’t have a place for me
But when it’s all I can do just to make it through this bittersweet Christmastime
I remember Jesus was born and He lived and He died
For broken hearts like mine

I’ll be singing once again, I just need a little time
I’m thankful that Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine

(I hope it is okay that I put these lyrics on here. This is by Cherie Call and it is called "Broken Hearts Like Mine.")

My Gratitude List Continues

Well, I guess I missed a few days. This is the first second I have had to sit down and post since Friday. Here is the latest installment of my gratitude list.

I am so grateful for the weekends. It seems I never have time to do what I want to do, but I always use my Saturdays and Sundays to the fullest. I love Saturday because there is nothing I HAVE to do, although there are always many things I want to do. And then there are Sundays. Those are my favorite days. They truly are my rest days.

I love food. I am so grateful we get to eat. I wish I could cook more. There just isn't the time there that I can dedicate to making a scrumptuous meal each day. Someday I will be able to spend the time I want to on making yummy food. Until the, well, I will just have to enjoy other people's hard work!

I am thankful for an education. I think many times I take it for granted that I was able to receive my bachelors degree. It has been a blessing in my life. I love to learn. It has been fun teaching a different grade, because now I am learning new things. I would love to take a class on a topic that interests me and just enjoy...maybe dance or photography or cooking.

Provo High School Graduation 1998

My Gratitude List Continues

Only one picture today...but it has the temple and lights!

I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life. I often wonder what life would be like if I didn't have the gospel. It scares me to think of my life without it. I am so grateful for a testimony of the gospel. I know with all of my heart that I have a Savior who lived and died for me. I am so grateful that he knows everything I experience. I know I have a Father in heaven who is watching over me and loves me. Life would be a struggle if I didn't have the scriptures to guide my decisions. The gospel truly is my life. Life would have no purpose or meaning without this truth. I have no idea how I would make it without this firm testimony. I love the temple and know it is the only place where families can be sealed forever. It is the only place I can go to truly feel serenity. I don't go often enough, especially with 5 temples only minutes from my house. I love the temple. To be able to get away from the craziness of life is truly a blessing. (I could go on, but my words often fall short in expressing my true feelings.)

Today, I am really grateful for a job. There are so many people that don't have a job, and everyday I am so thankful to have something to keep me going each day. What would I do with myself if I didn't get to teach school everyday? I can pay my bills and provide food and shelter for myself. Things are never ideal in the workplace, but I count myself lucky to be able to work with the people I do. And my 6th graders make me laugh everyday. I really do have a fabulous job!

I am thankful for hot and cold running water and electricity. In the past year or so I have had problems with hot running water. The pilot light on my water heater kept going out. I figured out how to light it myself (big accomplishment), but what a pain to have to light it every time it was windy. That is everyday in Lehi. I am blessed with a very caring dad, and he got that taken care of for me. I was also home one evening and the power kept flickering. Not only was it scary to be in my house all alone and not have light for some of the night, but it was so annoying. What a blessing to live now when we have so many wonderful modern conveniences.

My Gratitude List

You know me and lists. Every so often (just like journal writing) I start a list of things I am grateful for, just so I can go back and read it later and remember those wonderful things. For the past couple of days I have been feeling very grateful for many things. I have never been good with words, and expressing my gratitude is not always easy, but I have really been overwhelmed with gratitude. So, each day until Thanksgiving, (and maybe even longer), I am going to share the things I am grateful for.

I am grateful for Kevin. I am grateful that he is not longer suffering. I know he is doing a great work in heaven. Him and his life play a major role in my life. I can't think of a more eloquent way to say it. I miss him so much, it is painful. But time has done some healing. I am learning that everything is in the Lord's time, and He is aware of me and my needs. I need to learn some life lessons on my own, without the wonderful support of my sweetheart.

I am grateful that the seasons change. I go crazy when there isn't any change in my life. Usually I resort to changing the desks around in my classroom. (Which, by the way, I did about 20 times last year. No joke!) I don't even mind the cold and snow. In every season there is something to be grateful for. Along that same note, I am grateful for a garage. It keeps my car cool in the summer and warm in the winter. I can fit 2 cars in it. I am sure many of you cannot say that about your garage!

I am grateful for family. Whenever I think of the family unit, I feel such peace. I know that families are of God. Without eternal families, the plan of happiness would be frustrated. I am so blessed to have an amazing family. They are always there, they are the ones I rely on, and I hope they can rely on me. We have such a great time when we are together, and we have so many happy memories. I am grateful for the eternal family I started with Kevin. Even though we are separated here, I know we will be together again someday. Because I married Kevin, I now have amazing in-laws. I am grateful for them and the role they play in my life. Even though I don't get to see them often, I think about them and pray for them. I hope I can continue that relationship with them. (Jeffs' family...I have no great pictures of the group. Can anyone help me?)


Until tomorrow my friends...

All on a Tueday

Quite frequently I need a little reminder that someone is watching over me. I was pleasantly surprised with a few tender mercies of the Lord on a Tuesday.

For the past 2 weeks, I have been waiting for some results on a medical test a loved one had. I know you probably think it is no big deal, but all of the terrible memories of many medical test results through all the cancer stuff with Kevin weighed heavily on my mind. So all of the anxiety came rushing back as I waited and waited for a phone call to find out the results. On Tuesday I heard that everything is fine. First tender mercy.

Tuesday I decide to stop and get a few groceries. I had debated my entire drive to Lehi about where to stop. I guess I made the wrong choice. I almost died. Okay, not really. But I was inches away from hitting another car. It would not have been my fault. Totally not my fault. The worst is the reaction of those in the other car. Here I am, they are in the wrong, and they are giving me the crusty looks! But, me being saved and my car being saved, another tender mercy.

The last one, but the most pathetic one, was losing my phone. (Or so I thought.) After my close call with death, I get to Walmart. I am shaking and trying to remember why I came to this store. Without thinking, I get out of the car and get my groceries. Much to my chagrin (do you like that word? Did I use it in the right context?), when I reach my car and check my purse, I can't find my phone. I review all the places I have been with my phone. Duh, the only place would have been the car. I had just finished up a conversation with my sister--not while I was driving! So I know I hadn't left it at school. I say a little prayer, pleading for some guidance as to where to even look. I even start praying that someone, anyone, will call. Then I remember it was in my lap before the almost crash. Maybe it fell out of the car when I went into the store. So I check all around my car. No phone. Customer service? Maybe someone found my phone and turned it in? Nope! I can't get it out of my head, so now I am crying and praying and driving and repeating. All the way home I am going a little crazy. I finally reach my house. Throughout my drive I think it probably flew forward. But I had checked the whole dang car! I finally reach home and find the stupid phone stuck on the rug under my gas and brake pedal! Of all the places?! So logical, yet not really.

I need these little reminders that someone else really is in charge and is blessing me! Even if they are little things, they are big things to me. Heavenly Father knows that they are big things, and He always blesses me.

Fall Break

Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of my trip to Texas to visit my sister and her family. But here is my Fall Break according to her! Click HERE.

And for those that are interested, I am feeling MUCH better and hope it stays that way! Thanks for your concern and suggestions.

STILL Sick!

Will the sickness ever end?

Still have a cough. Add sore ribs, a runny nose, and congestion! It is no fun being on vacation worried that I am going to get everyone sick. So I try to avoid contact. SO sad, because how often do I get to see this darling family? Not much!

Remind me to get a flu shot at the beginning of flu season next time!

SICK and TIRED

One of the blessings of the past year is that I haven't been sick once. Well, that amazing blessing is over. I am now reminded of how blessed I was to not be sick.

It started with a strange cough.
I was expecting it to turn into something more.
But it is still just a cough that has gotten worse.
Along with losing my voice.
Try teaching with that kind of voice.

Who knew a cough could be so draining. My schedule the past 5 days (and this is NOT typical) was teach school, all the while coughing in my sleeve every 2 minutes (don't think I am terrible. I just couldn't afford to be home from work for 5 days), hustle home, grab something to eat on the way, take a hot bath, curl up in front of the TV and DO NOTHING for 5 hours before climbing into bed and sleeping sitting up.

The schedule is the same tonight. It is no fun being sick, but it is even worse when you don't have anyone to take care of you when you are! I have also now realized how BORING it is to sit home all alone, even when sick.

Next week I am getting out of this house. I really am, and I am headed to...TEXAS!

Turning 30

These 2 cute kiddos helped me celebrate #30.
My favorite...Costco cake!

I thought that by the time I turned 30 I would feel so much older and wiser. Not the case. Thank goodness! This landmark birthday ended up being a great day! Some of the festivities included...

a "cheesy" party at school (the kids just happened to earn a party on my birthday)
cute birthday wishes from 6th graders
thoughtful birthday wishes from coworkers (I share a birthday with another teacher at my school...same DAY and YEAR)
a much enjoyed, much needed pedicure with Kim after school (great conversation and so relaxing)
dinner at harvest with my fam and Dawn
Costco cupcakes and candles
and
2 BIG surprises.

BIG SURPRISE #1

Do you love the look of surprise? I didn't know what to do!

I told my dad that I was looking for a TV. If he found one, he could buy it and I would pay him. What do I know about TV's? So what did I find in my living room after dinner on Friday? It is so fun to have this new TV, but even better than that gift (that brought me to tears) was the fact that each member of my family sacrificed to give me something nice for my birthday. The sacrifice and love of my family members means more to me than the actual gift. (Which is the real reason for the tears. Very overwhelmed!) So I am sending each of you a very heartfelt thanks!

BIG SURPRISE #2

Tera Jane and me

No, I didn't have a baby! This cute little baby is now named after me! What better gift could I have received on my birthday?! I had NO idea and the Blakes made the cutest video to surprise me. (Might have brought me to tears AGAIN!)

So I guess turning 30 has made me more emotional! Thanks to so many for the kind birthday wishes. It turned out much better than I ever expected!

Family

Love them! And we ALL got to be together this weekend. Not enough time, but at least we got to eat, visit, and play. There is just something about being with all of my family. It makes me so happy.

Today...

I need a hug from Kevin.

Just because

it's been one of those days...

I can't stop crying and I don't know why.
I should be more grateful for what I have, but all I can focus on is what I can't have.
I know there are people all around me that care, but I feel so alone.
I feel guilty, and tired, and overwhelmed, and hungry, and anxious, and lost.

There's a hole in my heart that I am still trying to get used to, and I was very aware of that today.

One of THOSE days!

I CAN'T WAIT...

About this picture:
I have no idea when this photo was taken, but I LOVE IT!
(Mostly because Kevin is in it and it was taken during my favorite time of year.)

Okay, okay, I can't wait...for FALL!

Everything about this time of year makes me happy. Okay, ALMOST everything! I don't so much love Halloween.

I love the homemade peach shake I enjoyed last night, the fresh corn, and the home grown tomatoes from my plants!

I sat on my swing this evening, cringing at my dead lawn, but enjoying the cooler temperatures. Fall is not too hot, and not too cold.

The vibrant colors of leaves in the fall make me happy.

I love looking forward to "soup season."

I anticipate the holidays, just around the corner.

My birthday is in the Fall, so of course I love this time of year!

My wardrobe doesn't seem so bland, because now I have so many "new" things to wear. Welcome back jackets and sweaters!

No more mowing the lawn. (I know I have another month or so of that hard, physical labor.)

I enjoy change, so I am loving a new season.

In case you couldn't tell, if you ask my opinion, Fall is the best season of the year.

6 Year Anniversary

Here's to the perfect, most memorable day of my whole life (6 years ago). And to the person who made it so wonderful...

Sending lots of love to Kevin today and always!

Ready for School?

Are you ready for school to start?

I heard this question a lot the last 2 weeks. Well, ready or not, the kids came on Wednesday and I am EXHAUSTED! When I was asked this question, I really thought I was ready, and I told people that. But now that I am in the thick of school, I have changed my mind.

What was ready?

As you can see, my room was ready. And, at Back-to-School night, many of the kids were so excited. So the room and the kids were ready!

Why wasn't I ready?

Now summer is OVER! I want it back. I like having the summer off and not having to work. I like having a break from planning lessons. I like the sleeping in. (8:00 is way better than 5:45!)

Now I am teaching a new grade level. I am ready for that, I guess. The kids are great, but I wasn't anticipating my first year of teaching all over again! Late nights. No time for myself. Learning (really, I feel like I am learning right along with the kids) a new curriculum. Not that the learning part is bad, it is just more than I thought it would be.

This post is sounding awfully negative! I really do enjoy teaching. And I love getting to know a whole new group of kids. They really are a great bunch and make it all worth it!

But the truth is, I guess I am not quite as ready as I thought I was.

Bring on the Rain

My attempt at "artistic." What do you think?

Sitting here listening to the thunder crashing and the pattering of raindrops, I thought of a song by Jo Dee Messina. (Yes, I do enjoy country music.) I thought I would look up the lyrics because I couldn't remember them, but after I read them just now, I thought how much life is like the song says...

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway

So bring on the rain.

Then I started thinking about how each day I feel a little like this. One thing leads to another and then my day that started out okay, turns into something almost unbearable. There is no question that each trial feels like the rain. I do often feel defeated and hang my head. And oh, how I long for that tomorrow. And each time I make it through...maybe even a little stronger than I was before...I am sure grateful for the chance to start fresh.

Even though I am not sure I wanted the rain, in the end it was a good thing.

Thank goodness for tomorrows, so bring on the rain!

You can listen to the entire song here.

One Year

Dearest Kevin,

One year. One year without you by my side. So I sit here early in the morning, thinking about the year that has passed and all that has transpired since you left. If I dwell on those thoughts too long, I go crazy. I have gotten into the habit of writing you letters on special days. Days that I like to remember our time together. Our anniversary, birthdays, holidays, etc. I would love it if you could really read them. It has helped me face emotions and get through those terribly difficult days. So here is my letter to you...after one year of missing you.

I was a little worried about this week, but lucky for me, mom told me last week that she was headed to Monticello and I told her I was coming. So on Monday, Mom, Kim, the kids and I loaded up the car and left for that wonderful place. Remember how we went there after we found out you had cancer again? You know, the place where nothing bad can happen? It is still a place of peace. It was a good opportunity to be with family and just feel. I had a few conversations about you. Grandpa is doing well and grandma takes such good care of him. It was hard though because it reminded me so much of me taking care of you. Then I started wondering if I was as loving as grandma. I hope you know that everything I did those last 6 months was out of love, pure love, and concern for you. And some concern for myself. I guess I was a little selfish. I wanted you to be here as long as possible.

I hope you know I think about you all the time. I am trying to move forward, not on. Because moving on makes it sound like I am forgetting about you. But I am not ever going to forget you. You know that, right? Sometimes I think people wonder if I really feel emotion about losing you. I put up a good front most of the time. I am getting pretty good at it. And, as much as I hate to admit it, more time goes by between those really bad days. I don't cry every minute or hour. But I want you to know, I do grieve. I just grieve by myself most of the time. I often grieve when I kneel down by my bed at night and you aren't there. I just cry and talk to Heavenly Father. He makes things better. Each day that I am alone, with no one else around and I have nothing to do, it is hard. During those times I think about you and what we might have done if you hadn't had to leave me. Maybe we would have played a game or made a treat. We might have gone on a walk together or cuddled up in blankets and read books. And I cry some more. Every time I sit down to plan a lesson for Sunday School or have a question and need someone to bounce ideas off of or clarify ideas for me, I think of you and the gospel knowledge you had. I realize you aren't there to help me. I have to do it by myself. Every time I go to family dinners and everyone else has their "special someone" with them and I don't, I am once again reminded of how much I miss you! When I walk by your picture, or play a game, or visit someone at the hospital or go on a road trip, I remember. I remember you and how much I miss you and love you.

I also thought about all that you taught me and all that I have learned this year. I learned that you are one of the most patient people I have ever known. Looking back, you were suffering. Nothing about your life was easy during those last few months. But you tried to keep a smile on your face and keep living. Thanks for doing that for me. You also taught me about optimism. With optimism, you can make it through anything. So I am trying very hard to be that optimistic person that can make it through anything. You took such good care of me and loved me so much! I once again have been reminded that families are forever and how grateful I am that we have eternity. I have learned to have a little more faith and hope. I don't worry so much and I am trying to look forward to the future...wishing so much that you were here to face the future with me. But you are here, aren't you? So this day, a year later, is a day of emotion. A day of trying to feel you close. A day of remembering.

I want you to know that I am working so hard at becoming the person I need to be so that I can be with you again. I want to be the person you want to spend eternity with! Keep watching over me and loving me.

Until we meet again, my love.

Love,
Me

My Project

I was in need of a summer project, so I decided to change up my room. There were probably other rooms that needed it more, but I thought my room was more manageable. So here is a before and after picture.

Before
(So boring and dark, don't you think?)

After
(So much brighter. I wasn't so sure about the color at first, but now I love it!)

There is still work to be done, but I am pretty darn proud of myself for taking on this project and doing it almost completely by myself...picking the stuff (very hard for me to make those decisions), painting, moving furniture, putting together a book shelf, sewing curtains. It was all quite exhilarating because I actually did it. I wasn't sure I could. Now I am ready for the next room!

**Thanks to dad for the ceiling fan...I am not roasting in bed every night! Thanks to Kim for the help with the curtains.

Sisters

(Allie, Tera, Kelsi, Kim)

The best things about sisters...

They listen to me. I know I can vent to any one of them, and they will listen and still love me.
They make me laugh. If I am having a bad day, I can call and they will make me smile.
They helped create (and continue to create) wonderful family memories.
They share in the good and the bad. I know I can always count on them.
They don't judge, but we are always on the same "side."
They do and are so much more...

(Kelsi, Allie, Kim, Tera)

These are my sisters. They are my friends.

(Allie, Tera, Kim-Sorry Kels, I was making do with the pictures I have! I love you still!)

Some of my favorite memories...
Hide and go seek in the dark
Playing with neighborhood friends
Christmases
Playing "school" or "house" or barbies
Clogging
Broken arm (apparently it was MY fault?)
Fork in eye (not really, but considered)
Fighting with brushes
High School together
Crushes, dances, and dates
Kim and I at Ricks together
4 wheeling trips
Lake Powell
Weddings
Just hanging out and having fun

As a side note, I thought it might be fun to post about some of the people in my life and fun memories. So little brother, don't worry, because I will be posting about you!

Becoming

This photo...just because I would love to be more like these two!

Since this has become a sort of journal for me, I am going to share a bit of me I don't usually like to share.

I don't know why, but I have been struggling. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. A need to be better. Not only to be better, but in a specific way.

I want to become the person that anyone can talk to, anyone can trust, because I won't share anything they share with me. I won't try to come out "ahead" in the conversation.

I want to be the person that compliments the other person instead of worrying about what stupid thing I am going to say or what stupid thing I am going to do.

I want to be the person that can talk to anyone and not be the shy person that I typically am. It keeps me from saying things I really do want to say or do. I don't want to worry about what the other person is thinking about me.

It feels like I have stopped growing. I have stopped becoming the Tera I know I can be. Fear seems to be the biggest hurtle.

I am TRYING.

I am trying to get out of my comfort zone.

Take the time to listen to those around me.

Work on strengthening relationships with family and friends.

Be friendly and sincere.

Be a person someone turns to when they need something.

What else do I do? How do I really become the person I WANT to be? Is it something I will ever achieve? Or is this a struggle that is meant to last a life time?

I feel better. It may not make any sense to you, but putting those thoughts into words was, well, therapeutic.

Thanks to so many of you for being that person to me!

I'm still here...

I have just been having lots of fun spending time with my family. Thanks to these wonderful people who have made my month so memorable and exciting!

The temple open house with a few of the Jeffs

A few cute nieces and a nephew (and Charity) came to stay with me

I spent 3 weeks with these beautiful ladies in the Arizona heat

My handsome brother

Grandma and Grandpa Washburn, the Blakes, and little brother
(Lots of the Washburns, actually)

I have been around so many people and had so much to do that life seems so lonely now. Lunch anyone? How about a movie? I have some fun games. I need something to do!

Happy Birthday Kevin

Kevin's birthday was today. We celebrated with balloons with love and messages being sent to Kevin. We also enjoyed a delicious ice cream cake. One Kevin would have loved! Happy 30th birthday, babe! I miss you lots and love you more!

Growing

I have been so excited to finally see things grow. I am sure many events of the past year have created a need to see things grow. And not just see things grow, but things I started from something small. I needed a garden. I needed flowers. I feel like maybe I do have the ability to help things grow.

I needed a little help getting started...

But it is starting to look more like this...

The strawberry plants are overloaded...

And there are even peaches on the tree!
(Although it is their first year, so I am sure there won't be any edible ones.)

Here are some of the flowers in my yard

And here is the rose bush that I planted last spring. It is beautiful right now. It decided to bloom last year for the first time on the day Kevin died.

School's OUT! Now What?

School is FINALLY out! Why do the last 3 weeks seem to drag on? I had a darling class, and I will miss them. But I am ready for summer.

Warm weather,
picnics,
painting,
swimming,
family time,
an Arizona trip,
visitors,
my garden,
preparing for 6th grade (aahhh!),
and
sleeping in!

What are you doing this summer?

The Intruder(s)

Tonight, Dawn and I sat down to a delicious dinner of chicken and pasta, when I noticed how stinking HOT it was! 90 degree weather, where did you come from? It's only May! Thinking there might be a nice breeze outside (NOT true!), I opened the back door. Much to our dismay a little bee friend swooped in. Okay, one bee is not going to hurt anyone, right?! Well, he brought another bee friend with him. Dawn and I did our best to ignore these pesky little creatures, but to no avail. We were cleaning up after dinner, when Dawn turned her back and one of the bees DROPPED into the oblivion behind her. Neither of us do well with the insect or arachnid sort. So Dawn immediately ran toward me and turned around and screamed "IS THE BEE ON ME?" I didn't even want to look because I knew that bee was there somewhere and I knew that it was all my fault. And what if something happened to poor Dawn, my dear cousin and roommate. I didn't know if it would sting her. What if she was allergic? I looked at her back and there wasn't anything there, but then my eyes were drawn to her hair--and that is where I found the culprit! I whispered "yes, there is a bee in your hair" (okay, not so much of a whisper) and Dawn started jumping around asking where it was. When I wacked the bee with the magazine I had in my hand, the bee fell to the floor and snuck up on Dawn's sock. Dawn walked around yelling and I was worried about the darn thing stinging her. I couldn't watch and just yelled that it was "by your sock, not that foot, the other foot!" Dawn yanked off her sock and threw it. Come to find out, the poor bee was a bit dazed. (Imagine that, after all that craziness!). It couldn't move and Dawn calmly said we needed a shoe. I was a bit nervous about who was going to kill the bee. I just couldn't do it. To calm myself, I went a found the biggest, best bee-killer-shoe in the entire world...my knee high winter boot! I ran it downstairs and asked who was going to kill it. Well Dawn, that good roommate of mine, told me she would. She proceeded to put the boot on and then psyched herself up for the bee killing. She counted to 3 and smooshed it! Only, it wasn't quiet at all! It made the loudest crunching noise I have ever heard from a bug killing! Well, everything is good now, although we came home from an errand and found the bee still moving. So I told Dawn to talk really loudly and I finished killing the bee and sent it to its final resting place--the trash! Oh, and we can't find the other bee. Ahhh, the joys of spring...and pansy girls!

Congratulations Tera!

Tera's definitely not one to "toot her own horn" so we're doing it for her.
She recently won two awards for her outstanding teaching at her school and we thought that we should share her success with all of you. Tera might hate us for this...but it's a good thing I have such a good memory and remember her password (love you Tera)!

Award #1...TEACHER OF THE YEAR--chosen by peers
Award #2...GOLDEN APPLE AWARD --chosen by the parents and is presented to one teacher from each school in the Provo school district for their positive influence and contributions to the other teachers, students, and school.
We love you Tera and we're so proud of you!

The 6th

I will never forget the 6th. It is one of those days that will forever be engraved upon my memory. On Wednesday, Kevin will have been gone for 9 months. It hit me once again this week, the grief. I was driving around southeast Provo and drove by our old apartment. I drove around the block and to the park where we would take walks when we were dating. A rush of memories flooded over me: holding hands, first kiss, playing red rover, blanket walks, long conversations, wedding plans, cancer, break up, the proposal, friends, and I had to get away. It was so strange. I guess this week has been a challenge just because so much is going on that I want to share with him...

spring,
a garden,
a bike ride,
accomplishments in my own life,
bad news,
something I learned,
personal challenges,
a rainstorm,
birthdays,
love,
coming home.

Someday I will get that chance again. Until then...

Easter

I know Easter was a week ago, but I had an experience this week related to Easter that I wanted to record...even if it is a week late.

Throughout the day on Wednesday I was overwhelmed. For some reason I let myself feel an emotion that I hadn't allowed myself to feel. Maybe I was scared of that feeling, or maybe I hadn't felt it to a big extent. That feeling (hard to explain now) was a complete and total loss. When Kevin died I was wrapped up in SO many emotions...I didn't let myself feel anything for too long. Well, this week I thought about all I lost when I lost Kevin. Stability--emotional, mental, spiritual, financial--amazing how losing one person can completely eradicate all stability from life. But stability is what I thrive on. Not only that, but I lost my best friend in the whole world. I lost the person that was my constant companion. Someone to go to the store with when no one else would go. Someone to go for a walk with when no one else would go. The person that I woke up every morning with and went to sleep every night with. The person that was part of my daily routine. The person that would listen to me, dream with me, read with me, eat with me. Really, after only almost 5 years of marriage, Kevin was my life. All of these thoughts came to me on Wednesday. After allowing this feeling and these thoughts to overwhelm me, I started thinking a little more. How have I gone on in my life without Kevin? How have I allowed myself to get up in the morning? How have I taught school? How have I participated in family events? Why haven't I cried myself to sleep for the past couple of months?

And then I remembered. I remembered the overwhelming peace that the Savior brought to me after Kevin died, and that He still brings. Knowing all that He suffered, all the pains and infirmities that He understands. He is the one that is my life. He is the one that has made all of this doable. He is the reason that I am able to look to the future...because I know that everything will work out. I don't know how. My mind can't comprehend it all right now, but I know that families are eternal because of the atonement. I know that I can find that peace and comfort that I desire because of the atonement. I can experience mortality because I know that I am not in this alone. I know that, as imperfect as I am, I can repent and become clean. I can handle death because I know that my Savior overcame death and was resurrected. The resurrection, and the joy of knowing that it will happen, has become much more meaningful to me.

Last Sunday I was reminded of Elder Holland's talk from April conference found here. The things he said in his powerful talk put things into perspective. How grateful I am for all that my Savior has done for me which I was reminded of this week.

Vacation @ the Beach House in Newport (Part 3)

Here is the final installment of our fun vacation. On Tuesday and Wednesday we played at the beach. A great time was had by all...I think!

Mom played with the kids a lot. The little girls woke up from their nap and played a game in the warm sunshine.

Dad doing what he does best-playing in the water with the kids. He loves to spray them down.

Dad, Jon and Troy went and ate at a fish restaurant and the rest of us went and ate at The Old Spaghetti Factory. It was so kind of the boys to send all the kids with us! They were actually really good. We had a little talk about good manners at restaurants.

Kim and I went for a ride on the beach cruisers, but she ran away before we could get a picture. So here I am with two little cuties.

We spent Wednesday morning on the beach, trying to soak it all in before we had to leave. This is a picture of Dad with Jackson and Katelyn.

We had a great time and can't wait to go back!

Vacation @ the Beach House in Newport (Part 2)

On Monday we headed to Disneyland. It was SO busy, but it was SO much fun. Disneyland twice in 3 months isn't bad, right?!

Here we are on the Jungle Cruise. It was the first ride of the day. At least we didn't have to wait too long for this one!

The girls really wanted to see all the princesses, but the wait was so long. So we settled with those characters we could find throughout the day. Sadly, they didn't get to see ANY princesses. But here is a cute picture of us with Sulley.

Another character we found. It is hard to pose 4 kids for a picture.

Katelyn was SO excited about the teacups. I don't think any of the adults were though. It was fun to see the kids so excited!

This picture and the next two are on the steamboat. It was getting late and we were tired. But it was a day well spent in Disneyland!

Keegan and Ellie

Mom and Jackson. Jackson is saying "cheese."