Thank You

As each day comes and goes, and I think of all the things on my "to do" list, I start feeling VERY overwhelmed!  I know my list is probably similar to many of the things you do on a daily basis, but for some reason I just can't seem to catch up.  One of my biggest regrets right now is that I have not written all the thank you's to you kind people out there!  Trust me, my list is long.  Sometimes I wonder how I will ever thank everyone, because it seems to me that you all deserve much more than a simple "thank you" from me.  So in order to lessen my anxiety, I decided to post a thank you.  Don't worry, a real card is coming in the mail.  I just couldn't live with myself, knowing that you don't know how much I appreciate the kind things you all have done--meals, phone calls, emails, cards, a listening ear, coming to the funeral, stopping to say hello, financial help, emotional support, beautiful flowers, an amazing slide show, a shoulder to cry on, memories, etc.  I could go on FOREVER!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  The kindness keeps coming, and I am so grateful.  Please know that!

Panic Attack

The other night I was driving my sister home from a nice evening of no worries, when I had a bit of a panic attack. Lucky Kim, she always seems to be the one around when I do have these panic attacks. It was peaceful driving, and the moon was just gorgeous coming over the mountain. I started to think...think about all my memories of Kevin. I do that a lot. I see something and it sparks a small memory. Most of the time I feel like I only remember bits and pieces of the memory--almost the memory, but not quite. Anyway, in my mind I thought about other nights, possibly like this one when the moon was so full and beautiful. Did I have a memory with Kevin of watching the moon come up in the evening sky? Had I FORGOTTEN about one of those days? It all came out as Kim quietly listened. Will I forget everything Kevin and I did together? I often think that. What else have I already forgotten?
Do I remember how it felt to hold his hand?
What was it like taking a walk with him?
What did we do last year on this day?
What was Kevin's favorite thing to do?
Think about?
Eat?
I don't want to forget. I want to remember everything! Only problem is, neither Kevin or I have ever been good about recording things in a journal. So now I don't even have that. AND I am terrible at trying to recall memories and making a great story out of it. Some people are so good at that. My stories about life just fizzle at the end. Kim calmed me. She said, just write things down as you remember them--whether it is at school, driving, at home, whenever. Just write them down. Also, look at pictures. Those spark memories. Thanks be to Kim for her kind words. So help me, if you can. Do you have some memories of Kevin that you would like to share? Just to help me remember.

P.S. (Is that allowed on a blog?) Let this be a reminder to you all--write in your journal! You never know how important it will be later. It is my goal to write in a personal journal and record all of my memories of Kevin. So I don't forget!

Tagged

Some things you never knew about me:  

When writing this post, I realized how truly boring my life is--that I don't have anything wild and crazy that other people don't know about me. 

1.  I love the sound of the dishwasher, washer and dryer, vacuum, lawn mower, anything that means clean, neat and tidy.  I know it's strange, but it's true.

2.  I am an obsessive-compulsive hand washer.  Actually, many of you probably already knew that.  I don't know if it began when I started teaching school, or if I have had a germ phobia all my life.  I honestly don't remember.

3.  If I could, I would wear flip flops everyday of the year.  Too bad I teach school and flip flops aren't "professional" attire.

4.  I love salt.  When given the choice between something sweet and something salty, I would definitely chose salt.  People always tell me that I eat too much of it, but I love it!

5.  If I could have one wish, it would be to have Kevin back--in his healthy, normal state.  I guess I will have to wait for the resurrection for this one.  At least I know this wish will come true.

I am supposed to tag 5 people.  Those 5 people are supposed to tell 5 things that not many people know or are unique to them.  I tag Dailie, Dallin, Dawn, Deppermann's and anyone else that has a "D" somewhere in their name.