Kevin with Sadie (niece) and Jackson (nephew)Dear Kevin,
730 days have passed without you by my side. Sometimes I think about you, about us. Then I have to stop remembering because it is hard. It hurts. But I don't want to forget. I didn't realize until you were gone, but I came to think of you as my comfort, as a blanket wrapped around me. I always felt safe when you were around--enveloped in your love. Now that you aren't here, I feel much more vulnerable and exposed. It is strange how your love could make me feel so safe. Not strange, I guess. I just didn't realize the effect your love had on me. I know you still love me, just as I love you. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for loving me in spite of my insecurities and quirks. Thank you for being patient with my needs. Thank you for treating me like your queen. I just wish those couples around me could see what a blessing it is to have their special someone with them all the time. I miss that. I miss you!
I watched the slide show that Alisa and Kari put together for your funeral. It is only the 3rd time. Of course I sobbed through the whole thing--you knew I would. But this helped me reflect on your life and my own since you've been gone. You were full of life. Looking at the pictures, I could feel that. That energy and life was what drew me to you. You were fun and energetic and brought happiness to all those around you. You were constantly trying to improve yourself. You had your own struggles, but you had a great love for the gospel. It was everything to you. It is everything to me. I was asked the other day how I am doing and how I am doing life without you. I told them it is because of the gospel. How does anyone deal with death without the gospel?
So what have I learned since you've been gone? I've learned that I couldn't survive without the gospel. Death isn't so scary. Time goes by much more quickly than I had ever thought it would. I am stronger than I thought I was. 29 is young...too young. It is hard to say "I"...I still say "we." Family and friends, those relationships are so important. Guilt for the past and "what if's" really doesn't go away. Love doesn't die. Somehow, someway, these trials are a blessing.
I love you and think of you all the time!
Love,
Me
730 days have passed without you by my side. Sometimes I think about you, about us. Then I have to stop remembering because it is hard. It hurts. But I don't want to forget. I didn't realize until you were gone, but I came to think of you as my comfort, as a blanket wrapped around me. I always felt safe when you were around--enveloped in your love. Now that you aren't here, I feel much more vulnerable and exposed. It is strange how your love could make me feel so safe. Not strange, I guess. I just didn't realize the effect your love had on me. I know you still love me, just as I love you. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for loving me in spite of my insecurities and quirks. Thank you for being patient with my needs. Thank you for treating me like your queen. I just wish those couples around me could see what a blessing it is to have their special someone with them all the time. I miss that. I miss you!
I watched the slide show that Alisa and Kari put together for your funeral. It is only the 3rd time. Of course I sobbed through the whole thing--you knew I would. But this helped me reflect on your life and my own since you've been gone. You were full of life. Looking at the pictures, I could feel that. That energy and life was what drew me to you. You were fun and energetic and brought happiness to all those around you. You were constantly trying to improve yourself. You had your own struggles, but you had a great love for the gospel. It was everything to you. It is everything to me. I was asked the other day how I am doing and how I am doing life without you. I told them it is because of the gospel. How does anyone deal with death without the gospel?
So what have I learned since you've been gone? I've learned that I couldn't survive without the gospel. Death isn't so scary. Time goes by much more quickly than I had ever thought it would. I am stronger than I thought I was. 29 is young...too young. It is hard to say "I"...I still say "we." Family and friends, those relationships are so important. Guilt for the past and "what if's" really doesn't go away. Love doesn't die. Somehow, someway, these trials are a blessing.
I love you and think of you all the time!
Love,
Me
9 comments:
Hey Tera!
It's Whitney Goold. I stumbled upon your blog and felt so compelled by your faith and strength that I went back to the beginning and read it all through. Often, my reading was accompanied by tears. I am truly touched by the love you and Kevin share. So glad to know that it is eternal.
Thank you, Tera. My thoughts are with you today. You show such strength. So glad you are a part of my life.
Tera,
One thing I admire about you is that you are not afraid to show your true emotions. Thanks for sharing this letter. And thank you for your example and strength. I love and miss Kevin too. I'm glad I get to see you really soon! Love you!
That was great Tera. You got me all teary. I'll be thinking of you today.
XO
I love you, Tera! You are so strong. We are thinking of you today. Thank you for helping me to remember what is most important in life - family and the gospel. We miss you so much!
I love you Tera...I wish I was as strong as you are! Kevin will never be forgotten because of you...his strength became yours...his love for life yours... and his energy and enthusiasm yours! I see Kevin in you and I'm so glad that you are both so much a part of our lives. I don't know what I would do without you!!
I've been thinking about you and kevin all day. I learned so much about life from watching Kevin live his life, not taking things for granted, having faith and hope, working hard toward goals, and laughing through it all. And I have learned so much about strength, patience, perspective, faith, and love from watching you live your life. I love you!
Love your strong words, love your example, love you!
Your example and testimony is astounding, Tera. Though you have been through so much, your priorities are still in check and you know how to have a GREAT time!! I saw you driving that Rhino!! Love you Tera!
Post a Comment