Kevin

Dearest Kevin,

I have been thinking A LOT about you the past couple days.  Last night I went back and read from my journal.  It was all about when I met you and our dating experiences.  It was hilarious to say the least.  I was such a dork and had no idea what an amazing man I had found. 

Today I spent some time at the cemetary.  I wasn't able to go to the temple because of scheduling conflicts, but I thought the cemetary was the second best place to be with you.  So I wrote in my journal, and then read what I had written 4 years ago about your last days on earth.  I might have bawled my eyes out.  Then I went and got some ice cream and stopped at the bookstore to buy a few books.  Remember how you sent me books from heaven?  Well, those aren't coming anymore so I thought it would be fitting to go buy some for myself today.  I love how much you loved to read.  Just now I went back and read tons of emails from family and friends just before you passed away.  I hope you know how much  you are loved.  I wrote in my journal "I hope Kevin knows how intensely and profoundly I love him--the most amazing person I know and the best husband in the entire world!"  Those words seem so trite, but I mean them.

 As I read those emails I was reminded of the angels surrounding me at that time.  There were many angels holding me up.  I wish I could remember them all, from the angels in heaven to the angels in Peoria, my ward, family, friends all over, and even complete strangers at the airports, hospital, insurance, etc.  I am amazed at the love I felt at that time.  I think you are one of those angels in my life then and now.  I know the veil is thin and that you are near.  I sent this email to my family, but think angel friends and strangers would be included as well..
"I am continually amazed at the love the Lord has for me.  I have truly felt the comfort and peace of the spirit through all of this.  I know that many times, you all have been the ones putting your arms around me and helping to bring that peace and comfort.  I don't know what I would do without such a supportive family.  My loss seems so insignificant compared to the eternities, but thank you for taking my emotions and this terrible loss seriously.  (Just like Kevin said many times in his half wakefulness--"I'm being serious guys.  Serious."  I know that Kevin was okay with death--and I know he knew Heavenly Father and all of you would take care of me during these sad and lonely times.  I don't think I could ever express how I feel about each and everyone of you and your love and support.  Simply put, I love you!  Thank you for being here for me."
  
Kevin, I love you so much.  I am grateful for your testimony.  I am grateful for my testimony.  I will continue to work hard to be worthy of you.  Brock shared this scripture with me right after you died that is so fitting.

Alma 27:27-28 "And Kevin was distinguished for his zeal towards God, and also towards men; for he was perfectly honest and upright in all things; and he was firm in the faith of Christ, even unto the end... and he never did look upon death with any degree of terror, [because of] his hope and views of Christ, and the resurrection; therefore, death was swallowed up to him by the victory of Christ over it." 

Love your wife, always and forever!