I know Easter was a week ago, but I had an experience this week related to Easter that I wanted to record...even if it is a week late.
Throughout the day on Wednesday I was overwhelmed. For some reason I let myself feel an emotion that I hadn't allowed myself to feel. Maybe I was scared of that feeling, or maybe I hadn't felt it to a big extent. That feeling (hard to explain now) was a complete and total loss. When Kevin died I was wrapped up in SO many emotions...I didn't let myself feel anything for too long. Well, this week I thought about all I lost when I lost Kevin. Stability--emotional, mental, spiritual, financial--amazing how losing one person can completely eradicate all stability from life. But stability is what I thrive on. Not only that, but I lost my best friend in the whole world. I lost the person that was my constant companion. Someone to go to the store with when no one else would go. Someone to go for a walk with when no one else would go. The person that I woke up every morning with and went to sleep every night with. The person that was part of my daily routine. The person that would listen to me, dream with me, read with me, eat with me. Really, after only almost 5 years of marriage, Kevin was my life. All of these thoughts came to me on Wednesday. After allowing this feeling and these thoughts to overwhelm me, I started thinking a little more. How have I gone on in my life without Kevin? How have I allowed myself to get up in the morning? How have I taught school? How have I participated in family events? Why haven't I cried myself to sleep for the past couple of months?
And then I remembered. I remembered the overwhelming peace that the Savior brought to me after Kevin died, and that He still brings. Knowing all that He suffered, all the pains and infirmities that He understands. He is the one that is my life. He is the one that has made all of this doable. He is the reason that I am able to look to the future...because I know that everything will work out. I don't know how. My mind can't comprehend it all right now, but I know that families are eternal because of the atonement. I know that I can find that peace and comfort that I desire because of the atonement. I can experience mortality because I know that I am not in this alone. I know that, as imperfect as I am, I can repent and become clean. I can handle death because I know that my Savior overcame death and was resurrected. The resurrection, and the joy of knowing that it will happen, has become much more meaningful to me.
Last Sunday I was reminded of Elder Holland's talk from April conference found here. The things he said in his powerful talk put things into perspective. How grateful I am for all that my Savior has done for me which I was reminded of this week.
3 weeks ago
7 comments:
Beautifully put....and thank you for the reminder of all the things that we should be thankful for.
Hi Tera -- Thanks for this post. I spent a lot of time this Easter thinking about Kevin and what the Atonement, especially Christ's resurrection and how blessed we are that we'll get to see Kevin again.
The boys continued to learn about the resurrection today in Primary. At lunch we talked about what we'd learned about and one of them explained that "because Christ was resurrected, we will all be resurrected; that means Kevin too." :-)
I also appreciate the reminder of the perspective with which we ought to view life, both in our times of happiness and celebration and our times of trial and adversity.
Great to hear from you!
What a powerful testimony. Thank you for sharing. I love you so much.
Thanks Tera for that reminder. When I heard Elder Holland's talk, I thought about you. You are an amazing person, and I am glad you know all that to help you. I needed that reminder of Who makes all things possible! Love ya!
Tera, you have an amazing testimony. You are someone that I look up to because I think you are amazing.
Tera, thanks for sharing your thoughts and testimony with us. I am grateful that you are apart of my eternal family.
Tera, thank you so much for sharing your feelings and testimony. The tears roll down my face as I read your blog. I am so thankful for this amazing knowledge we have in our lives. You are continually in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for being so willing to share your true feelings.
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