Please don't mind me. I have some things on my mind...
It has been 2 weeks and 3 days since Kevin's passing. Most of that time, it seems sort of surreal. We knew Kevin wasn't doing well, but we were feeling confident that there were things we could do to help him get better. We were trying to exercise our faith--hope for the best. In the end, Kevin moving on to the next life was the best thing. That isn't really what I wanted. But looking back, I know it all happened as it should. Quickly and surrounded by family. Eventually, I would like to post about those last few days. How I treasure those moments with him. I hope those memories never fade, although I am sure they will. The things I felt won't fade though. After 2 weeks, I keep wondering how life truly has gone on.
Throughout the past 3 years, I would worry about Kevin dying. I would think about how I would survive without Kevin. What would I do when I needed someone to talk to? What about waking up in the morning without anyone by my side? Who would calm Milly when I couldn't? Who would I call each morning just to let them know I was safely at work? Who would call me to let me know the same? How would I bear 5:00 pm when Kevin would return from work each day? Who would I make dinner for? Or worry about? Who would I discuss my day with? What would I do when I wanted someone to snuggle with? Who would help me organize? Or tell me it is okay to go buy that shirt I really wanted? How would life go on? What would I do without my best friend, confidant, better half, eternal companion?
Even though these questions still fill my mind each day, I have felt a great sense of peace. Life doesn go on, even though I often wish I could just be with Kevin where everything is right. He wouldn't talk about death much, but he did say to me once "the worst part of all this is leaving you. At least we know where I will be. But I worry about leaving you." I knew what he meant. He has it made. He isn't suffering anymore. He is working hard on the other side. But he knew how hard life is. What we have to deal with.
Life isn't completely normal yet. I still have a hard time going to my house--the house we picked out together--the one meant for us. There are still accounts to close, things to go through, but life is going on. Work keeps me busy. I woke up this morning thinking about these things, and wanted to get them out. Hopefully it help with the grieving process. I just hope I continue to feel the peace and comfort I have felt so far. In great part, I know it is because of all of you. I haven't been alone at all so far. So many people have continued to help me feel loved and needed. Many prayers have been said in my behalf. I have been truly blessed. Thank you. Just know that life is going on for me. I am still just learning how to do it!
3 weeks ago
15 comments:
I admire how strong you are. I often try to put myself in your shoes and wonder if I would be strong enough or have enough faith to help me.
Yet, you come to school each day where these kids have no idea what you are going through and make them smile. You are a true example of how faith and trust in God can get you through.
I prey you will be able to feel the comfort you need.
You amaze me and I feel so blessed and lucky to be able to learn from you! Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am here for whatever you need!
Thanks for sharing these feelings, Tera. I worry about you. I know that you are strong, but I know that doesn't mean things will be easy, just that you'll make it through. If you want, you can call me when you get to work in the morning, and I'll even tell you to go buy the shirt you want : ). I know it's not the same, but if it helps, Im willing. Thanks for being a part of our lives.
Thanks for sharing your feelings Tera. I wish I lived closer so I could do more to be there for you. I am glad that you have felt peace through all this, and I hope that you will continue to be blessed with it. I think of you often throughout the day and pray that you will have blessings poured over you! Love ya Tera and don't forget I am here for you too!
I admire your strength through all of this. I seriously wish that I had the strength that you have. I seriously can't even imagine what you are going through and I was almost in tears reading this post. May the lord continue to bless and comfort you.
Hey Tera, I'm glad you shared your feelings about this. As you know, you've been close to my wife, kids, and I in our thoughts and prayers and knowing how you're doing is priceless. We stand ready to support you in every way possible. We will continue to pray for your continued comfort and support.
I feel so grateful to be able to get to know you through your trial. You are such a strong person and I know Heavenly Father won't give us any trial we can not endure. It is to test our faith and love for him. I just wanted to let you know that I felt the spirit so strong being around you at Teacher conferences last week and reading what you have writen on your blog. I am so grateful Jesslyn has you for a teacher this year. You are such a great example and I couldn't think of a better person to have my child with while I am not there.
I just want you to know that you are the strongest woman I know. I don't know if I could ever handle things the way you do. I am praying for you everyday, and if you ever need anything feel free to call me. Kevin's funeral, his life, your strength, and your thoughts have really strengthened my testimony. Thank you for being such an amazing example.
Thank you for all of your posts. I love to hear your thoughts and the things that are happening in your life. We continue to pray for you and hope for positive things. We love you!!! Let us know if there is anything that we can do for you.
I love you so much, Tera. I hope you know that you can always talk to me, about anything and everything. You have always been such a strength to me and a wonderful example throughout my life. I admire your strength and love you dearly! Can't wait to spend time with you soon!
Tere, So I just found out the other day that you were friends with the Corless family. It is such a small world. My mom and Leslie have been friends for as long as I can remember. Also Jason's dad served a mission the Dad (I never can remember his name) anyway super small world. If you ever need anything please call us.
Tera you are amazing you make me want to be a better person. thank you for your post. I know thing are realy hard and im sorry. if you need anything please let me know. you are in my prayers always.
You made a step this weekend Tera...you bought SEVERAL shirts and I hope you didn't feel one ounce of guilt! Thanks for telling ME I could by a shirt..and pants...and shoes! I LOVE YOU!! Please keep expressing your thoughts, even if it is through your blog. It helps us all better understand where you are and what we can do to help.
And that is what I love so much about you, Tera. You have such a positive outlook on life. We all can learn from your example of love and faith. And I'm sure Kevin is proud to be your eternal companion.
Sending lots of (((HUGS))) and prayers your way.
Not even sure you remember me Tera. I was Kimmie's friend at Ricks.. Megan (Balli) Acker. I stumbled upon your blog a couple weeks ago and have to say that I have been checking up on you since I heard all that has gone on. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have prayed for you and your family. Thank you for sharing these precious things. I have been touched as I have followed your progress. You probably have no clue how many people you have touched as you have delt with this sadness with such courage and faith. Just wanted you to know how impressed I am with you.. and to let you know that even people you don't know are thinkin of you. Best of blessings to you as you continue on. God bless you-
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